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Why should we be careful when seeking advice?

Updated: Jul 24, 2019

Some things to look out for when receiving advice...



Most of us seek advice from mentors, friends and family at critical points in our lives. We look to learn from their wisdom when deciding what job to take up, who to marry, or what college to go to. Hearing fresh perspectives and new ideas can trigger new thinking, and ultimately change our lives. However, advice, unfortunately comes with biases. Opinions, as opposed to wisdom, can be dangerous because they could be incongruous with our values and context, but have the power to influence us heavily. These are normally delivered with strong emotions, almost coercing us in their direction. 


Below are 5 watch-outs when seeking advice. 


EGO


The set-up of this conversation, inherently gives the advice-giver a sense of superiority, since he/she has better knowledge on the matter. This feeling of superiority, subconsciously gets the ego to kick in. The ego identifies its self-worth with the person’s life and career choices, making him/her talk these up. Depending on personalities, some people do this overtly, while others drop subtle hints or disguise positives within supposed negative points. 


PROJECTION


Projection means “the unconscious transfer of one's desires or emotions to another person”. If the advice-giver does not like taking risks, or fears loneliness, he/she will subconsciously think we do the same, and will advise us with that assumption. The obvious example is seeking out relationship advice from someone who’s recently separated. The person’s fear of being let down in a relationship, will greatly influence his/her viewpoint.


VALUES


We all have different values. Our mentor at work, might encourage us to push ourselves higher in the corporate ladder, however, we might value a balanced life. Even though the mentor would see a situation as an opportunity of a lifetime, for us this could end our much valued family bonding. 


JEALOUSY


Jealousy unfortunately is often at play, especially among peers. Deep down everyone is competitive, and advice-givers, with the superiority that comes with being sought after, find it difficult to see someone exceed their achievements. As a result, the ego comes back into play, and this time, talks down good options, either overtly or covertly.  


SAFETY


Making decisions is terrifying. Most of the time we are happy to have someone smart make them for us. How often have we asked people, “Just tell me what to do?” This is an area of self management, where we need to pursue wisdom, while having the confidence of making our own decisions. 


There may be many other factors involved, but the bottom line is that advice comes with baggage. The challenge is distilling knowledge from opinions, and thereafter using it to make our own authentic decisions. Although this sounds simple, it’s not easy to implement. Some basic things to look out for is people telling us what to do, lecturing us, and talking down. While we develop our own watch-outs, simply being conscious of the factors above, is a great starting point towards getting the best out of advice. 


Contributor:


Sharad Lal specialises in helping people access their inner brilliance and unlock their true potential. As a key note speaker, certified executive coach, and successful entrepreneur, and he has supported over 500 people to overcome hardships and accelerate their careers.


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